Sins and pins

in qualche modo. Mi crolla il mondo addosso. sfratto. la banca ha preso la casa al mio padrone di casa. il curatore fallimentare mi ha mandato la lettera di sfratto. In pochi istanti il  tuo mondo implode. Ho passato giorni a piangere poi a boccheggiare, in preda all'ansia. Poi ho mandato una istanza al giudice ora sto aspettando risposta. E' in questi momenti che capisci l'importanza di terra. Di Tara. come in via col vento, Un pezzo di terra tutto tuo. Qualcunque cosa accada, tuo. dove nessuno ti puo' mandare via. E' destabilizzante l 'idea di un nuovo trasloco di spostare tutti i miei gatti (sedici, nel frattempo) da qui. I mobili...le mie cose. i libri, i banconi da lavoro, le macchine. Tre gennaio. Un incubo, spero di guadagnare tempo. ho chiesto quattro anni, sarei felice di ottenere quattro mesi. Quattro anni ho costruito sulla sabbia, ogni fatica vanificata. Questo posto era lo squallore l ho trasformato in un giardino segreto. Ora la mia casa, ...

There is a curse there must be, i never find peace. Or its just the consequence of wrong choices, one after the other. It was wrong to say yes to my son when he gave me his pregnant cat because my ex husband had threatened to kill them. He bullied us until one day i accepted and took her. Shortly after she delivered three wonderful kitten, the second litter, she had already  had four the year before. And two of them found homes but two females, Perla and Irma, not. So they all ended up at my home, even if i had already my own 8 cats. 6 extra cats in one row.  I usually end up in this mess because i am unable to say no.  I let them force me to take the cats. Extra costs, extra work, extra mess, extra depression, extra hysteria. No time left for anything less. I must be insane, truly. I am,  probably.   After a while i told him to take back at least Perla and Irma, but he agreed to take only one. And he had her neutered. Wisely.  Left me in the me...

What i miss most of my marriage is the lake my ex husband had. I know , i said just small talk nothing personal, but i can't help it, sorry. I do not miss him, not the house, not the garden, the silence in it, the view over the sea,  the tall pine trees and the palms, that now are a 4 star hotel and belong to a vulgar rich person that fills the summer air with loud karaoke music. No i don't miss that. But the lake, i do miss it, very much. I recently discovered my ex sold everything just to keep the use of it until he lives, after his death all will be gone. I feel sorry for my kids that will not own it and will see their childhood memories taken away by someone else. It's life, maybe its better if they have no ties to this place so they are free to go wherever they want to. I miss the animals there, the geese the ducks the egrets herons swans and all the plants, many of wich i planted myself. A small paradise in wich i spent most of my time as a married woman. ...

I am lazy but I work like crazy On cam i like to flirt but when i do I feel like dirt I am not left and am not right Not totally  dumb but not very bright. So better spend less time online and find something to do fine The mulberries are ready to be picked I will turn them into something wicked: a delicious crumble pie perhaps don't try to find me on google maps. I will not share this cake with you i make it just for us  witches two Hope you appreciate Aurelious these few words i have to go now or the mulberries get stolen by the birds.

Nebula had three kittens last night, 2 look exactly like her, and one is white. Nebula is my last arrived cat and looks a bit like a likoi. Rescued also a mouse today, he bit me in the finger ungrateful fella. He is fine, despite being used as a rubberball by my cats for a while. I will release him in a few days when he is well fed and rested. Pictures of the kittens in a few days. Now i do not want to disturb them. update for the "mouse" made some research and found out its not a mouse its a microtus subterraneus he is doing fine i filled his cage with straw bits so he can hide unter it. he doe not like the daylight to much.  update 25 may, here are they:

Foxglove, cardinal de richelieu, pierre de ronsard, brother cadfael, gruss aus coburg, la biche and others i don't know the name. Heavenly scent to cover the smell of cat pee.

 Malka Safira Taz Malka looking at me and saying: you are joking, are you! yes in the beginning there were only 3. then arrived all the others, now 11! And soon more, as Nebula si pregnant.

It is true that i write mostly for myself, to make some order in this chaos of my thoughts, reading what i have written helps me clearing my head and eases the pain. So i will try to make the next inputs  in this   weird blog/diary in english  for my friends to understand better, its  funny what google translate brings up, sometimes. Someone told me he would enjoy me to talk about my everyday life,  about my flowers, my pets, my veggies. my sewing, my embroideries my stained glass and my cooking. So be it. I hope i will  be able not stop it soon again, because i know myself.  I am so unsteady in things.  I used to keep diaries since a young age, starting at 9 i think.  They all ended up in the fire or in the trash. when i realized i had opened up to much and felt ashamed about my feelings. My childhood was very lonesome, even if i had two younger siblings. My favourite activity was to climb on some tree and to spend hours up th...

Le volpi sono morte, le hanno uccise tutte. Una è finita sotto a una macchina, mi sono fatta aiutare dal mio padrone di casa a scavare la buca, l ho seppellita con tutti gli onori, il suo pelo era cosi' bello e morbido non volevo che qualcuno glielo levasse. I vicini hanno tagliato l'albero sotto al quale le davo da mangiare. E' stato uno choc. Una sera mi incammino come sempre per portare loro da mangiare e al buio mio perdo, non trovo piu' l'albero, al suo posto una radura con rami spezzati e fango, i segni dei cingoli del trattore. Mi si ferma il respiro dallo Spavento, poi mi invade la rabbia, lo sconcerto,  la disperazione. Ma perche', perche' hanno fatto questo, mi chiedo. Torno mestamente a casa, arrancando per la salita. Da quel momento le volpi sono sparite, quando alla sera illumino il buio con la torcia non scorgo piu' i loro occhietti, le tre o quattro coppie di puntini luminosi che mi fissano. Mi sento improvvisamente sola e disperata e s...